“Great strength is being gentle with your weaknesses”
I heard this quote at yoga today. This is something I am striving to do. I strive to accept that I am not what I used to be, I may never work overseas again, I may never travel overseas again, I may never get my coordination back to spike a volleyball, I will continue to stumble and fall but it’s ok, I still deserve to be happy and I still have lots to give.
It’s been a particularly hard few weeks. At times, I’ve felt like giving up. More recently, I have felt like quitting my job, and really, just quitting being sick. I’ve pretty much had enough.
It’s funny how 15 months ago when I was a lot sicker, I couldn’t walk properly, or see clearly, it was a lot easier to put my head down and work on getting better without becoming too overwhelmed with the other shit. Now, having achieved the things I wanted ie. Walking again, it is much harder to stay strong when such relatively small things keep getting me down.
Living with the illness is the easy part. Having to prove your worth all the time is the hard part. It never ends. Constantly having to prove what I ‘can do’ even having to get specialists to confirm this in writing because my word is not enough, has become a day to day nightmare. I know plenty of lazy people or people who are just plain bad at their job and they don’t undergo the scrutiny I do just because I have a chronic illness.
Somehow, thousands of people cope with their chronic illness daily. How do they accept the reality of all the other shit and not let it get them down, or exhausted or sleepless? Something I’m determined to learn. Learning how to be gentle with my weaknesses. Now that I can walk and see, That is new the goal 🙂