⛄️and So it is Christmas ⛄️

And so it is Christmas. 

  Anyone will tell you that Christmas can be a lonely time. For me, Christmas is far from lonely. I’m surrounded by amazing family, amazing friends, amazing Clint. But it is a time that I feel alone. 

This is my third Christmas battling this illness. It’s the third Christmas that I am wondering if I’ll be able to walk next year, see next year, breathe next year. Surrounding myself with those close to me is great, but they can’t understand it. I don’t understand it, my doctors don’t understand it and even those inspiring people I’ve met and spoken to that share a similar story, don’t understand completely because we are all different. 

This year, I am thankful for online shopping! I didn’t have to step foot in a crowded shopping centre this year. All the gifts I bought were conveniently dropped by the front door. Amazing! I really don’t know how people like me coped before online shopping! 

I love Christmas! I particularly love watching the kids, my nephews, nieces, my friends children, so excited and full of life. I do wonder if I’ll ever be able to have my own children. And if I am lucky enough to, will I be able to hold them? 

The hardest thing about the festive season, is trying to fit everything in. I want to do everything. I want to go to every get-together, but I am left utterly exhausted. I don’t want your sympathy, nor do I expect it. It’s all self inflicted exhaustion. It’s a harsh reality, that’s all. Simply that, I can do it all. I just suffer the next day and the next day. I really don’t like to admit to myself that I may need to slow down. 

My only Christmas wish, or New Years wish is that I stay healthy. That we delay the next relapse for another year. Unfortunately, it’s not something I have any control over. I have been very lucky so far, I wish so much, more than anyone can possibly imagine,  for that luck to continue! 

So, with this, my last post for 2015, I wish for the same for all of you. Here’s to a healthier, happier 2016. 🎈🍸🎉



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